Early September was always a good time for a walk, and a personal walk was what I needed. Rain had just recently cleansed the city, and trails were damp and smelled fresh. I zipped up my light jacket and remembered it was a pleasure-walk, not requiring a hurried pace that usually accompanied me at the college campus. So I slowed. I breathed. No one was here this early- I wouldn’t be either, except that I couldn’t sleep. There was a faint noise of running water, and a light sky to quietly subdue me. I enjoyed this time, and almost regretted ruining it by pointing out to myself why I was really here.
Why should someone’s decisions hurt everyone? No matter what I chose, I’d be hurting someone, and neither decision had less causalities. My mind rapidly went through pros and cons, history, and qualities of each person.
But that was my problem. I was treating this like a business move. I was thinking rationally. I half-smiled at that. This wasn’t a job interview; this was a decision about who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. There was no deal, no wages, and no desk. There was a dress, a home, a bed, and a future. There needed to be a prayer.
Oh sure, there were prayers before, but it hardly seemed like an important issue before. Things were different now, and this prayer was a serious one, not a half-hearted request, not an oh-by-the-way-can-you-let-me-know. No. This was a walk, a prayer, and hopefully, an answer.
So I started talking. I talked about everything; both people, histories, feelings, qualities, plans. I told him the dangers and the risks, the rewards and the friendships. I talked about my future plans; with college, money, and housing.
He let me get everything out. Then there was silence. I waited, walking slowly, I waited and breathed and hesitated, then felt something in me change. My heart felt light.
His answer that day was a bold, quiet, forceful thought.
