This is for all those girls in high school who:
Put down others to bring themselves up.
Screamed for attention by pretending to be bulimic or suicidal, that way their boyfriends would care for them for a day.
For all those who said that getting married at twenty meant I searched for love instead of loving myself.
I DO love myself. I did have those long, quiet walks where I questioned myself and my ability to be married. But taking long walks doesn't qualify you as full of self-esteem.
I'll tell you what does:
Not sleeping with every guy that comes around. Do I need to say more? If you respect yourself enough to know that your intelligence and personality are enough to impress a man, you deserve that man, AND his respect.
The triumph of principles. Believing in morals or principles (and I DON'T particularly mean a religion, although a religion, if it supports your values, is also good) and living up to them. Be an example. Stick to what you believe is right--that creates strength of character. Just like you wouldn't trust someone who said they hated lying and then went ahead and lied, you also distrust yourself and your ability to make correct decisions when you don't follow through with yourself.
Defining yourself--that does not mean defining what you are NOT. So many people, especially in Utah, like to be "different" than their surrounding area (conservative, LDS, whatever). That is not the purpose of defining yourself. Sure, saying what you are not is part of putting up boundries. But that shouldn't be your entire worth to yourself. Find out WHAT you ARE. Are you a lover? Or an artist? A intellectual? NOT, "I'm so NOT a conservative or LDS or a goody-goody."
Defining yourself is a hard task. It isn't easy to read yourself, know your quirks, your nature (lover, fighter, dreamer), to really dig deep. Be honest with yourself--the good and the bad. What do you love about yourself (and it's NOT narcissistic), and what do you honestly think is wrong with you that you need to improve? I mean the deep stuff. NOT: I need to organize my room more often. Look deeper: are you needy? Do you serve family members? Are you often selfish? No one is perfect, but the least you can be is honest and accepting, but do NOT make it a hate fest on yourself.
I am happy with my decision--wholly and completely. I loved myself before I loved Nick. I think I'm allowed to say I am whole and perfectly happy now that I'm married. Because Humans are social animals, no one would be happy, or even emotionally healthy, alone. Babies die without the attention and love of their mother. I am whole because Nick completes my weaknesses, and vice versa. I am not happy BECAUSE of him, but I feel it's an extra bonus, he makes everyday that much better.
On the note of women staying at home: nothing can be more of an achievement than to raise a child who is a good person and a good example. Parents who are neglectful show their kids many things; education isn't important, family isn't essential to society, service is not a principle that keeps the world going, marriage is a joke, love doesn't exist, and promises are never anything more than words.
With that in mind, you create a human being who never works, for he doesn't realize the value of it. He lives on welfare. He will probably have multiple children and they will have the same parenting. He will not commit to jobs, things, ideals or people. He will not be devoted to cause, religion, or politics. He will exist; he will breathe; but he will not love. His world will be one of shame, neglect, emptiness, valuelessness, free from accomplishment, and full of dissapointment.
Children deserve better than that.
Marry a good father, be a good example of love.
And if I've ever learned anything from any parent:
Please--say you were wrong, say sorry, and ask forgiveness of the child.
