Early Life
I was born on January 18, in Orem, Utah, USA. I was born to Shara, from Olethe, Kansas.
I spent four short years in Provo, Utah, before moving to Aurora, Colorado on account of my mother's second marriage, to Eric. From that marriage came my siblings, four years younger, Robin, and Rachyl, born March 1, as fraternal twins.
For reasons still disputed, my mother and Eric were divorced shortly after that, then remarried. From the second marriage came Taylor, and Trace, also fraternal twins.
Soon after that, they divorced a second time, and Eric took the twins during the process of the divorce, claiming she was an unfit mother. My mother and I, during that time, were homeless. We lived with kind Christian families on occasion. Eventually, my mother "won the kids back," and fled to Utah, where her father and mother (divorced) were living. From that point on, the majority of my memories involved day care and babysitters, or babysitting my siblings, for if my mother was not at work, she was dating one man after another.
Late Childhood (11-14)
Utah, as most already know, is largely populated by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS), as it is the "headquarters" for their church. I, coming from a family that was non-LDS, was quite different than my peers. I was constantly ridiculed for my appearance (they believe in modesty), my upbringing (they strongly oppose divorce), and the life style my family lived.
There were very few kind girls to be found, as in any middle school, and those who were, were also outcasts of sorts. Labeled sluts because of their tank tops and boyfriends (parents advise their children not to date until they are at least sixteen), I was also labeled as such.
Home life in my late childhood had become harder. My mother, after MANY boyfriends and aquaintences, met a man, Troy, and they lived together beginning 1998. He was an addict, an alcholic, and a nobody. He was about 32 at the time and was living with his mother before he moved in. His family was also non-LDS, and one of his brothers was a meth dealer. Supposedly my mother did not begin taking meth until early 2000.
Regardless of the time she began meth, she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2000. This was after multiple attempts at suicide.
She was unemployed for the almost year after those incidents, and we struggled financially even more than we had before. She finally obtained a job, but we struggled financially from that day forward.
Teen Years (14-17)
My mother showed all the signs of drug abuse, and Troy had told me openly and honestly that they were, in fact, addicted. Troy confessed that they wanted to quit, but could never quite do it.
I started softening to the idea of the LDS church as the middle school terrors started to fade. I met a friend at Timpview High School who invited me to activities and eventually befriended me. We became close as I stuggled with the doctrines and concepts of the LDS church. I started running away to her house when things got especially bad at home, starting in November 2002. With so many attempts to escape, the police finally asked me if I would rather be put into foster care. I agreed.
I was put into foster care on Feburary 12, 2003. Sam and Tessa's family were kind and humble. They were parents of three adorable children, and also foster parents of dozens of other children. They were also LDS, and I finally joined the active members of the LDS Ward in Orem, Utah. I loved the church and instead of finding ridicule or hatred that once was my view of the people of that church, I found friends and acceptance. I grew more in that short ten months in foster care than any other time in my life up to this point. I learned about love, marriage, honesty, integrity, responsibility, and family. It was a time to grow up, and learn about myself, love myself, and forgive my mother.
My judge ordered reunification services for my family and me to join again in late November 2003. I was strongly opposed and quite the headstrong teenager with an attitude.
My struggle with God was the fact that he had placed me into a "perfect" family, one where I felt loved and appreciated, and then sent me back home...where I fufilled the role of mother again. My second struggle with God was forgiving my mother. I realized in time that God had shown me the way a good family works, so that one day I could have my own, and be successful. Forgiving my mother was a commandment (D&C 64:9-11) and it was long overdue.
My mother continued to date, after Troy left, and my life was once again caring for my siblings as she dated.
Soon, tension became too much as I lived with my mother after foster care. I tried to convert my family, but they weren't interested in God, at 10 or 11, and soon I learned to keep my opinions to myself. My mother lost job after job because she "didn't feel good/like going to work." She slipped into an everlasting depression. She slipped further into Meth, and giving herself for money with loser guys.
Late Teens (18-20)
I moved out my senior year, 2006, and lived with my odd grandfather. I worked and struggled and hated high school. At home, my brother had gotten into legal trouble because they were unsupervised. None of them were going to school consistently. They had multiple pets (that smelled) and didn't clean house. The four children were taken after my mother was arrested in June of 2006. I took them, and my grandmother and I took care of them until she was released. Subsequently, they were taken from her care and given to their father, who resides in Arizona. I haven't seen them since.
The day after my graduation I moved to Sam and Tessa's again, to go to their local college, Utah Valley State College (UVSC).
My first semester in fall 2006 was a struggle I had ever had in a lot of ways, but also the most fun. I was finally confident of myself, proud of who I had become, and accepted what I learned, my background, and myself. I dated often, had many friends, and for the first time in my life, was free and happy.
I met my husband in October of 2006, at UVSC, and we dated from October of 2006 to June of 2007. He proposed to me in the canyons of Utah on June 30, 2007. We were married after a few months of planning, on September 6th, 2007, in the LDS Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, Utah.
After the marriage, I was able to calm down and view my goals. I plan to publish my first book in two years (2010), after graduating from accredited BYU with a degree in Psychology. I was convinced no one could love me if they truly knew me, and they wouldn't think of marrying me. But I've been proven wrong.
I also have a knowledge of a loving, caring, involved Heavenly Father. He orchestrates our lives and we are here to grow and learn. I am grateful for His unchanging love for me, and for His greatest sacrifice, His Son, Jesus the Christ. I know that the church I am a member of is the true church. I know that families can be sealed forever together, breaking the bonds of death. No other religion can guarantee that. I am blessed to live in America, the land of the free, because of the brave. It is truly God's promised land.
Written 11/08/2007.
